The Scars of Inspiration

My blog's dead. I haven't been doing anything with it lately, and surfing the Internet seemed rather like something foreign yet familiar. What an oxymoron, I know. But, isn't life full of oxymoron?

So, as the title suggested, it's rather funny to be inspired when you're in deep frustration. But that was what happened to me on the 25th of August 2008. Yeah, it's long way back, i know. But i keep on.

And so I thought of quitting photography - to banish my dreams and hopes, and to journey as far as possible from the grips of it, but something called inspiration struck me right at the core. Instead of flinging my camera to the wall with fury, or plainly ignoring it, I took pictures with it. And though I didn't think much while pressing the shutter button, I'm quite glad with the outcome of the pictures (and even more so after I've post-processed them in photo editor just for fun).

It was certainly intriguing to know that whilst dwelling in frustration and teetering on the edge of depression due to photography, I took part in it. I wanted to pause the process of taking photographs out of inspiration, habit and fun, but I failed to surrender almost entirely. It's as if I can't escape from the field itself.
I do believe it wouldn't be easy to let go of all of this. So do I, or do I not, persevere? This question has been lingering in my mind for weeks, and I chose not to give much thought to it since too much thinking often results in a mélange of headaches and heartaches. Even though negative thoughts swirled in my mind and hazed it with confusion, one thing was made astonishing clear. My greatest enemy was, and always will, be me, myself and I.

I don't think I'm able to fully express myself, blog or do anything else other than 'painting torture' upon my eyes and back from hours and hours of surfing the web, until I get this dilemma solved. Too many opinions, suggestions, and questions just made the situation worse. I'm even more confused.

Good. Frustration has its own beauty. And I couldn't agree more.

I know my photography is mediocre, and the composition of the photographs might be positively inadequate, but give me some time to work on them. Yeah, I need to sharpen up, sharpen up! Oh well, I'll continue updating this blog of mine later. It's 12.50 a.m. already, and I'm sore all over.